Reflection.

May is around the corner. 2 important things in my life happened in May. My ever first full-time job in HP, from 2005 to 2008, was started on 9th May 2005. My very last undergrad exam paper (Introduction to Programming) was on 2nd May 2011. My first full-time job meant a lot to me because it was when I started to work and save money to prepare myself for degree study. It was also the happiest period of my life so far because, basically, I have nothing to worry about within those 3 years and all I had were just fun, fun and fun! I've met a lot people there and I was so glad and it was so fun to work with them. We troubleshoot problems together, helped each (they helped me most of the times to be precise), having tea breaks, lunch, dinner and supper together and most importantly, we had so much fun in our "talking-cock sessions". We also went overseas together for vacations (Thailand, Sabab and Genting). Oh my goodness, it was so fun and I had no idea what stress means within those 3 years. In addition, I went to Japan twice within those 3 years.

On the other hand, 2nd May 2011 also meant a lot to me because I was "officially" a "Bachelor" and I have "conquered" most of the difficulties and obstacles in education. It was a very very long and hard journey to go this far just to be a Bachelor. It took me almost 18 years to be a Bachelor. Oh my goodness, 18 years!!! How many 18 years can one get in his/her life?

Well, since May means so much to me, I would like to have May as the "month of reflection" to reflect on what have I done for the past one year.

I graduated in May 2011. Now is the end of April 2012. What have I done from May 2011 to May 2012? To be honest, I really don't know, as in, yeah I've done something like working part-time in Sushi Tei and NAC, had a trip to Japan, had wrote 3 so-called "research papers" (if you allowed me to think so) and had a "totally-failed-but-funny-and-memorable-relationship" with someone, what is the significance of all these? Let me put it this way: You worked part-time in Sushi Tei and NAC, so...? You had a trip to Japan, so...? You wrote 3 so-called "research papers", so...? What/where is the big deal!? There's no big deal in all these at all! Basically, I have wasted one year of my life I guess! If all my papers get to publish one day, well, May 2011 to May 2012 would be a very fruitful year for me, but unfortunately, getting one of these papers to publish seems almost impossible. In addition, I'm still jobless by the time I'm writing this (my trip to Japan ended in December, so "officially" I'm jobless for 6 months). I have tried to apply for a lot of jobs in different fields but it seems that I'm only qualified of selling insurance, as in ONLY insurance companies are interested in me. I had an (and only) interview with NEA for an Executive job, but unfortunately, they have found someone better than me. How sad and cruel...

On the other hand, I also need to reflect on, other than foolish and idiotic in some sense in some cases as some of you might think and to some extend I really agreed with you, how brave and determined (if there is any) I was in order to be not-so-cruel and fair to myself.

Maybe I'm just too pessimistic about myself but I really should start taking my life very seriously and maybe start from another point. I really can't purely react based on my "instinct" and faith anymore. Maybe dream job only exists in Utopia. But again, I might end up living my life miserably... I really don't know... (*superposition*, huh? you said? I'm so glad that you've read my previous post and thanks!)

I hope you not only have resolutions every year but also a reflection. All the best to your resolutions and wishing you that you'll have a smiling face on your reflection eventually.