Photo source: Toni&Guy
My friend, Wayne, is an assistant hair-stylist. He is working at ψ (a famous salon in Singapore) and he recently needs a model for his internal stylist competition.
Just after knowing the event, Alicia comes to my mind immediately. Alicia was one of my classmate for ES1301 and we got along quite well before the conflict surfaced.
I made a phone call to Alicia right away. After knowing that the haircut was free and offered by ψ, Alicia was very happy to accept the offer.
Wayne has talked to Alicia, too and Alicia has promised that she will help him.
Unfortunately, it was raining heavily on the competition day.
“I can’t go to ψ now!”
“Where are you now? I can lend you my umbrella.”
“I don’t want to wet my clothes and ruin my make-up. In addition, I just got well from a fever.”
“How about getting a cab?”
“I don’t want to pay for it.”
“But you has promised Wayne that you’ll help him.”
“How about tomorrow?”
“No way! He will be in hot water.”
“It's pouring rain. Can you tell him that I'm sorry? Bye."
“Wait! I’ll pay for the cab fare, is it alright?”
Nevertheless, Alicia kept her words but was late for 40mins.
According to Wayne, Alicia didn't look presentable that day. Her hair and clothes were wet.
After that, Alicia just ignores me when we meet in the campus. I’ve try to pay her back the cab fare but she rejected it in an anger way.
I hope that we can talk again but she just wanted to shutdown all the communication channels between her and me.
Did I say something wrong? What should I do now?
Hi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI do not think you said anything wrong to offend Alicia. I believe Alicia could have been more understanding of the situation. She had after all promised to help Wayne in his competition; hence it is her responsibility to keep to her word. Though it might have been raining, she could have found many other means of travelling and avoided the rain.
However from Alicia’s point of view she might have been real tired from her fever and may not have want to get wet in the rain and fall ill again. Nevertheless, I think she could have been more understanding of the situation Wayne would be in if she did not turn up. She could have expressed her concerns to you and you both could have come up with an alternative solution or others means to get to the salon without getting wet. She could have asked for your help as well, instead of just hanging up the phone on you.
Since the communication between the both of you is tense I would advice that you approach her with ‘caution’. Meaning, you could just apologize to her for the inconvenience caused the other day and that you feel real sorry that she had to go through the trouble to attend the competition. Maybe you could treat her to lunch as an appreciation in helping your friend.
Hope this helps:D
Cheers,
Keerth
Hi Keerth,
ReplyDeleteReally? You don't think i've said something wrong? Thank God. What a relief!
Thank you so much for you suggestion and I'll give it a try!
Best regards,
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Keerth, you did not say anything wrong. However, if I were in your shoes, since I love avoiding being the middle man, I would have given her Wayne's number and let them discuss about the situation.
Personally, I think it was her fault for not being able to stay dry (seriously, how old is she?). Not only that, she was irresponsible. If she was sick before, she could have called and told you she was unwell and perhaps you would have found another friend to help.
Now that she does not want to have anything to do with you, being persistent is good, but not too persistent. Do you know what she likes? Perhaps you can get her one and since I am sure she will feel awkward accepting gifts from you after giving you the "silent treatment", you can pass it to her friends to give it to her.
You can also send her emails to apologize and treat her a meal. If she is still too shy to go out with you alone, you can ask her friends along.
Sorry if I am unable to be of much help. I am only a simple man.
With regards,
Pak Ming
Dear Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Pak Ming that it would be wise to avoid being the middle man as if anything goes wrong, it is always the informant who gets the heat.
Firstly, Wayne would have been your good friend that he asked you for help in a competition as he place confidence in your judgment of candidates suitable for him. Also, Alicia would be a person whom you think is trustworthy enough and also will keep her word. Naturally, I would think that Alicia is also the type of girls who does make-up and hair do or is pretty much into fashion as the pure name of the Stylist Shop attracts her.
Anyway, it goes on one end that someone trust you to find the right person and the other person is someone whom you think can be trusted. Moreover, the two also approved of each other when they talked.
I would think that the conflict might have been minimised if you have called her early in the day of the competition to check the availability status. This would have made Alicia mindful of her promise and may have done more preparations. The fact that Alicia called you and explained the various reasons would have showed that she in fact changed her mind just before the event. However, pressured and since there was a promise, she came.
I think that she was upset that no one was concern about her. As she gave some reasons and each and every of the reasons were quickly shot down as something that is not important. She might have taken offend in that and refuse to acknowledge that fact that she is attempting to break a promise.
Also, from what you have written, i think that you did not participate in the actual competition and relied on what Wayne told you. What transpired between them may have been merely more that what Wayne told you. Wayne complained to you, he would have reprimanded Alicia and blames you for choosing her. To Alicia, she would have blamed you for not showing enough concern to her and that why she has to suffer a dress-down by someone she don’t know personally but only came in contact through you.
She might see you as the cause of her plight. She might also be not talking to you not because she is angry, but she wants you to break the first silence. I don’t know why, but when a silent war is in place, people have the mentality that the person who should break the silent is the one to apologise and make-do for the actions. I personally belief that she is just upset about the situation you’ve put her in, and will not hold a grudge against you.
However, you might want to talk to her about it in person and perhaps, go for a spa or makeover together. She might want to tell her some “bad” things about hair stylist in general to shift her attention towards Wayne but not directing the blame to anybody. I guess you two were good friends and sincerely wants to continue as good friends.
Hi Pak Ming,
ReplyDeleteOh dont feel sorry, it's alright. Nothing big deal. Anyway, thanks for your suggestion also as it sounds great idea to me. I should have blog earlier. :)
Alicia is 20 years old. In fact, i regretted that i didn't offer to help her to pay the cab fare immediately she mentioned that she don't want to pay for the cab fare. I should offer her to pay the cab fare instead of saying: “But you has promised Wayne that you’ll help him.”. I'm using her "words" to "force" her to go for the hair cut. I think i'm kind of "cheapskate". That's why she angry with me..
Well, i will try to sms her first and hopefully everything will turn out well one day.
Thanks again.
Best regards,
Ryan
Hi Wei Hong,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your detail explanations! I really wish that what you said is right! :P
Anyway, this event has already over more than 8 months. Hopefully she still have my number and will not be "surprise" when i sms her. If she reply me "W R U?" I think i might just approach her personally and talk to her. Anyway, she's from chemistry and it might be very difficult for me to approach her.. sigh..
I also like the idea of going to spa with her (LOL) but i really do not have the guts to ask her that soon. Maybe another day.
Thanks again.
Best regards,
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion you need to pick her up. Since you introduced her to Wayne, you are responsible to her. If it rains, it is her who will get wet, but not you. She will feel it is not fair. I think you can apologize sinserelly and buy her a lunch or something. You will be friends again one day.
Regards,
Danhua
Hi Danhua,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the suggestion as well as the "analysis" based on the point of view from a girl!
Well, i've tried to call her, but unfortunately, the number is no longer available for service. She might have change her phone number without telling me..
Anyway, let's hope that I'll meet her one day and we are friend again.
Cheers,
Ryan