Plan.

This is a mascot of NUS graduate in gold robe, which represents Bachelor of Science (gold with white represents Engineering, etc).

Yes, indeed, I'm a Bachelor of Science, major in Physics now (since July 2011) and I can tell you that it was very hard and bitter for me to become a "bachelor".

When I was year two taking a module called Experimental Physics, Dr. Colla Massimiliano once said this to me: "Shame on you.", Prof. Tang Sing Hai said "I think you should go back and revise all your secondary school physics." and Asst. Prof. Ariando said "Seriously, are you *really* a physics major?". They said these to me while they, individually, examine my lab report and asked me questions (in NUS, we call it VIVA). I was stressed and panicked. I couldn't utter a word. I can only say "Er... I don't know.." I was so embarrassed for 3 different VIVAs! However, eventually, I'm still able to get through the module but with pretty bad grade (expected, right?).

I stared at the mascot yesterday and it brought me back all the bitter memories (low grades even though I've tried study very hard, studied until 2am to 3am, rain while riding bike to school and got wet, etc) throughout these 3 years of Physics education in NUS. This little soft toy really means a lot to me!

Now that I'm done with my bachelor and I think I should continue to do physics, as in do my own research without any supervisor. I wanted to do master in physics but unfortunately, due to my poor performance, I don't think NUS would like to have me as their master student. Well, by looking at the bright side, it actually opens up another window to me. I think it's pretty cool to do research (theoretical physics) without any supervisor! Many many thanks to Wu ZhenZhou for his motivation on me and his encouragement! As the matter of fact, in order to do theoretical physics, all you need are a pen, a paper, Mathematica or MatLab (mathematics is the boss of physics!) and the ability to reach all the research papers as your reference (as alumNUS, you can pay 5-year membership package of S$400 to obtain library membership so that you can reach all the research papers). Well, like what ZhenZhou said before:" it might be hard, but not impossible." Thanks again, Zhen Zhou!

Of course, research is only a "part-time job". Eventually I still need to look up a full time job to earn a living. I haven't decide what to do for my full time job yet at the moment and I'll think about it again while I'm travelling in Japan in mid November later.

Since I like to take photos and write "nonsense" which "provokes emotions", I'm also considering to write a book which consists of a lot of photos with my "poem", short story or simply my imagination with regard of the photo. Just like "Junction". I've already came out with the title of the book, namely "Photostories: Through my camera, through my mind". I hope you'll like it!

Well, here's my plan at the moment.

What's yours?

Junction

Going to Japan again soon. So here’s a piece of nonsense :))))))



18/11/2011 6:49 PM, Osaka

Autumn, no twilight, 16 degree C and drizzling.

A guy, holding up an umbrella, standing near a t-junction in the town.

He seems to be lost and he stands there for more than 10mins.

Maybe he is just wondering why heaven weeps.

He started to look around and, apparently, he doesn’t know what to do next.

He sees maple leafs floating on the wind: just like the plastic bag scene of American Beauty.

He tries to catch a maple leaf. He also picks up some on the street.

He stares at the leafs for a moment.

Finally, he decides to head back where he came from. Maybe he’s going back to his hotel or maybe he’s going to Shin Osaka at next turn.

“You’ve got to put the past behind you, keep your faith and move forward.” Maybe he has just not enough courage to continue the journey ahead.

He disappears, eventually and finally the rain stops.

The Strange Tales of Liaozhai and the movie of Stardust.

http://www.wellbeing.com.au/article/Features/Wisdom/What-is-Relationship-Astrology_681

I'm on school vacation now and I've read some of the books of The Strange Tales of Liaozhai and "coincidentally" watched the movie of Stardust by a local channel before the party of ZoukOut. The origin of The Strange Tales of Liaozhai consists of 409 short stories and a lot of the stories are about love of a couple. So, it is not hard to find the similarities between The Strange Tales and the movie of Stardust. Both are about the hardships that the couple has be through and thus earned their eternal love for each other and being together happily ever after.

Fairy tales of eternal love seem to be impossible to happen in my era of time. In fact most of the people would think it is not real and thus decided to forget it and "wake up" for the "reality". But I believe that everybody, including myself of course, wants it and so lots and lots of this kind of movies had been produced and attracted millions of crowd to watch it. Similarly, I also believe that one of the reasons that The Strange Tales can ever exist until now, either in literature or drama series, for more than 250 years is because of the same elements: most of the people would like to have eternal love.

So now arises a question that a lot of people would like to ask and trying to search for the answer: Can eternal love be gained without any hardships?

I think eternal love would not come for free. There is a price that the couple have to pay in order to gain it: they have to go through some hardships just like The Strange Tales as well as the movie of Stardust. Nothing is free. If it is free, it would have no value and the couple may break easily.

So, people who is living in a peace era like now in Singapore, London, Tokyo etc would means that eternal love will never exist? Frankly, I don't know but I suppose so.

----------

This year marks the fifth year of the break-up between me and my ex-girlfriend and I can still remember that the way we got together was far too easy and without any hardships and obstacles. Now, when I look back at the relationship (after reading The Strange Tale as well as watching the movie), I'm lost and confused. My experience of "easy-come-easy-go" (can I apply this idiom to relationship?) agrees with The Strange Tale and the movie and thus I think I can safely conclude that no eternal love without hardships. But in reality, how am I suppose to "mix" hardships into a relationships if I ever have a chance to "fall" again?

Maybe it is a curse that come with a peace society. Maybe I'm talking "false dilemma" or maybe I'm thinking too much again (damnit!). Whatever will be will be and I shouldn't worry too much.

Lastly, a small request: please don't laugh at me if I happened to be single for the rest of my life.

Finally..AY10/11 Sem 1 is over (II)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/digbyross/2505974224/

Now back to the sad part.

Sad, because I don't think I did well for PC2131 (E and M). All along, I heard people says Study Smart. Well, sometimes I wonder: What is study smart? How to study smart? Study smart means simply study for exam and test? Study those will only come out in the exam and test? I don't know and apparently it is the case.

I am used to "study all" and neglected "study smart" as I always think that the exam and test question is simply unpredictable and the lecturer can always change his style now and then. But, I've changed my strategy this semester simply because, judged by my current overall performance (CAP), "study all"--or rather Study Hard-- is not going to work for me. To me, the biggest difference between study smart and study hard is that study smart is only study for whatever that will come out in the exam or test and study hard would be study everything (is it a correct "definition"? Again, I don't know..). Now, let me ask you some questions. If you were decided to study smart, were you look back and study the mid term tests? Were you look back at the tutorial and study all the tutorial questions again? Or you would look at the "potential" questions which you think would come out in the final exam? Well, you can simply say "both" but don't forget that you don't have the luxury of time to do both as you have other exams to take care of. Maybe I am stupid or something, I've decided to give up on the revision of the mid term tests as well as the tutorial question. Guess what, in the final exam, 2 mid term test questions and a tutorial question (90% similar and exact) came out in the final exam. My face turned to red and blue on the spot and immediately I'd like to scream my lung out: "WHAT THE FU*******************K!!!!!"

Who would expect this? I know that the lecturer is being kind and would like to help the student but it turned out that his "favor" is killing me and I'm in hot soup now. I expected the opposite and studied those that have not come out in the mid term tests and tutorial.

Now, I'm really confuse with study smart and study hard. If I were to stick with study hard, my situation now won't be that bad as I would study the mid term tests and tutorial questions.

有早知,冇乞兒 (Cantonese slang: if "predictable" exists, beggar will not exist)...

Finally..AY10/11 Sem 1 is over

My QM I, II and III "guardians". (1927, Solvay Conference)

http://regnirts.blogspot.com/2008_04_01_archive.html

(Taking a very deep breath and sigh...)

Well, AY10/11 Sem 1 is over and I have just finished the final exam of PC2131 (E and M) 1 hour ago and PC4130 QMIII 5 hours ago. It was really fast and so does this semester.

While writhing this post, I am happy and sad. Happy, because I have finally completed the most important courses for this undergraduate study: Quantum Mechanics I, II and III. Seriously, I consider myself has graduated as physics graduate because, in my point of view, QM is the most important training that I must complete and QM is far more important than the rest of the module like E and M, Classical Mechanics, Mathematical method etc. I cannot imagine myself graduate without QM I, II and III. Why QM is so important to me? Well, honestly, it is a matter of pride as well as because it is very cool, interesting ( I still cannot accept Schrodinger's Cat and quantum entanglement) and yet to be fully understand by human being. Pride, you say? What pride? Well, just like the old good Chinese proverb says (translate by me): It is better to have a very sharp knife (only one) than having a lot of "normal" knife. As you may aware, I am pretty weak in physics (in fact very weak) and I really cannot give up my pride and just let people think that I am "nobody". Now, with these three QM modules under my belt, at least, I think, I am "somebody" because not much people can "stand" QM very long and very often people just switch their mind off when they heard someone talking about QM. On the other hand, seriously, I have think this over and over again: is this a correct attitude and mindset towards learning? I seriously don't know. Is it correct to think yourself as "somebody" and put your pride as high as your nose? My faith is shaking because this is really heavy and very often I have consider giving up and live my life an enjoyable one. No stress, just study whatever that is easy and able to graduate. You may confuse now and think that QM I, II and III are core module and compulsory to go through. As the matter of fact, only QM I and QM II are core and compulsory for normal degree undergraduate. QM III will only become core and compulsory for those are taking Honors degree. In my case, I am most probably graduate without Honors simply because of my poor and lousy CAP (a measure of overall performance) and it is up to me to choose to study QM III or not. So what the big deal since a lot of honors students are also "equip" with QM III? Well, the big deal is that I am the only non-honors student who dare to compete with the honors student in this "sounds difficult" subject! I must admit that it is really disputable and up to individual's point of view to think "I'm daring or not", but seriously it is really extremely rare to find a student like me who dare to do this and most of my senior who graduate without honors would have no QM III in their transcript.

Well, let's get back to the initial "discussion" now: Am I right to lift my pride as high as my nose but yet get myself very tired and sad very often? Tired and sad because physics is just not my field and my knowledge of physics is very fragile. I can easily forget what I have learnt over night and repeat all the mistake again and again during mid term test, final exam and even tutorial sessions.

On the other hand, it may be true to think that life is about a battle. In that sense, maybe I am right and I should continue this "battle" of challenging myself and hopefully it would lead me to somewhere better. If it eventually lead me to somewhere worse and stuck in a one way street (undergraduate degree is one of the most important factor that determine my career and it may have a huge ill-effect if i have selected it wrongly), well, I may as well just take it as another battle.

Maybe I just shouldn't take it too seriously and think too much about it because, better or worse, I will learn and grow and eventually nothing to lose. So what if people laugh at me and think that I am not realistic (keep doing something that you are not good at ) and deserve a failure? Well, I guess I have to just let them laugh but tell myself that at least I have tried my best to earn myself a pride.

Who knows? Maybe life without pride would be the worst failure after all...

(to be continued...)

Germany Immersion Trip 2010 (020510~220510)

Today is the Singapore National Day (happy birthday!) and also the last day of my school holiday for AY10/09 Sem 2(sob...).

By looking back, it was a very very fun and unforgettable school holiday. Night Safari, diving, studying Electromagnetism 1, Singapore Zoo and NUS Rag Day aside, the most memorable program that I had during the holiday was this wonderful Germany Immersion Trip (GIT).

If I were to talk about the programs and places that I have visited during GIT, it would take me at least one week to complete the job because it was a 20 days trip!

In fact, I just want to share with you what I have learnt and perceived during the trip.

As you may aware that I would be alone most of the time: I signed up the diving course alone; I prefer to watch movie alone; I went to Japan for backpacking alone; and, of course, I signed up this GIT alone, too. The idea of "to-be-alone-throughout-the-GIT-trip" has rooted in my mind long before I sign up for the trip and I am "well-prepared" for it: I had borrowed the "Munich and the Bavaria Alps" and downloaded all the traveling information from Wikitravel for Munich and Gottingen. All this information and travel guide are essential when you are traveling alone. I guess I am the only one in the group who brought all this information along and none of the members ever consider to be alone throughout the GIT. To me, the real freedom has to be alone. It is because by being alone than you can go wherever that interested you immediately and change the traveling plan anytime you want- no strings attached. By being alone, you can also do whatever you want without any "restriction" from your friends. Example, smoking. Your friend may ask you to "go away" when you wanted to smoke and complain that you smell awful when you get close to your friend. Therefore, I have perceived that "the real freedom has to be alone" due to the fact that human is no Buddha and there is always something that we cannot tolerate form each other no matter how close we are.

Nevertheless, after the trip, I realized that a total freedom can never guarantee all the happiness: it can never provide you the joy of sharing, especially the "photo sharing" after the trip. Sometimes, taking a photo with somebodies is really much better than just taking the photo alone or just the scenery alone. By looking back at the photos after awhile (the longer the better i guess; say, 10 years later) the mixing "feeling" that "erupt" in our heart is something really different as we compare with the "lonely-self" photos. A "lonely-self" photos may taste like Coke but a photo with somebodies may taste like coffee Latte.

I guess, in order to have the "total happiness" for a trip as well as after the trip, sometimes we really have to be alone and sometimes not to be alone. And of course, do not take this favor (from your friends) for granted and we should possess the correct attitude towards your friends.

Last but not least, thank you Lynette, Shi Hua, Yong Wai, Da Yang, Jun Kai, Alvin and the rest of the folks from GIT for your "enlightenment" as well as your patient, especially when I lose my temper when I wanted something fast, with me throughout the trip.

What a meaningful, memorable and precious once-in-my-lifetime GIT 2010.

流星。

photo source: touch4health

喜欢一个人看电影，因为可以省很多时间和麻烦。

因为很喜欢日本，所以喜欢一个人去日本，因为觉得这样才是二人世界。

很希望每年的秋天，可以 在火红枫叶下的京都，古老的寺廟前，一个人静静的坐着，听着风和叶的声音，看看眼前的情侣，陌生人祈福。

深吸一口气，想想未来的路，细细体会寂寞，失落，优愁的感觉。

也不知道为什么，就是很喜欢这种感觉。也许这样才是体会人生。

离开前，再回味过去人生的酸，甜，苦，辣，也希望可以掌握短暂的未来。

优伤的秋天，失落的红叶，千年的古寺，刹那的人 生。